I’m definitely an alcoholic
Feeling like a total piece of shit. Hoping that sharing some thoughts here will help others who are considering trying to drink again, or, hoping that sharing some thoughts here will canada goose outlet online help Canada Goose Parka me when I consider drinking again.
60 days. 60 fucking days. A star with a 2 in it. By far, by far the longest I been canada goose black friday sale sober since I started drinking. Certainly the longest I gone since canada goose clearance sale I started drinking in earnest.
But it over. I canada goose black friday sale drank last night. I drank on purpose. I planned it. It didn matter what was in my cupboard or that a bar was down the street or that I walking distance from my liquor store. I drank on purpose. I made it 60 days. I deserved a canada goose outlet store reward. My drinking canada goose outlet toronto factory is obviously under control. canada goose outlet store uk I proved I could do it. canadian goose jacket But, why continue being sober? Why make such canada goose outlet a big deal about it? I proved I can be sober. I Canada Goose Online DESERVE a night of being buzzed. I drank. I drank canada goose outlet new canada goose clearance york city alone. canada goose outlet shop And I can moderate. I had booze in my house for my entire sobriety. I looked at it like an old lover. Can believe how canada goose outlet black friday addicted I was. It was no problem turning it down. Until it was a problem.
I drank an absurd assortment of alcohol. A mix that the old canada goose uk outlet drunk me might even question. I drank EVERYTHING. Every. Fucking. Thing. I killed the bottle of whisky my ex left in my freezer. I killed the bottle of vodka I left in the cupboard. I drank the single hard cider a wonderful lady left in my cupboard. I canada goose jacket outlet killed a second bottle of vodka that I found hidden at my shop. I went to the liquor store and bought another bottle. I goose outlet canada drank the entire thing.
And guess what? It wasn canada goose outlet canada goose coats canada fun. It gave me canada canada goose coats on sale goose outlet reviews zero release. It did not improve my life. I got light headed, I got dizzy, I got loose, I didn give a shit. But, I canada goose uk black friday was fully aware the entire time. Aware that buy canada goose jacket cheap the buzz was meaningless, Canada Goose online that canada goose uk shop canada goose factory outlet it was empty, that I was substituting it for a real sensation. Then I woke up this morning and I felt awful. Truly awful. My heart was beating out of my chest. I was anxious, paranoid, ashamed, embarrassed. And all my problems from yesterday remain, and are now emotionally amplified.
And I feel like a fucking failure. Because I KNOW. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I an alcoholic and I ruining my life. Before last night, canada goose outlet cheap Canada Goose sale I held fast the illusion that I could return to normal. I not normal. There is no normal for me, unless I keep alcohol out cheap canada goose uk of my life completely.
If you here, you probably also not normal, or you know someone who isn normal. And that okay, as long as you remember the one aspect of your existence that lead you here.
I an alcoholic and I hear you say that you are, too. I think that fairly “normal”. Becoming canada goose outlet online uk addicted to an addictive substance buy canada goose jacket is pretty par for the human course. Lots of normal people become addicted to things. Some canada goose outlet in usa would say those who appear able to moderate are just as addicted as anyone else, even though their addiction has remained benign.
It was 5 months later before I finally realized that canada goose store I had a problem. That I could not control my drinking. so, I walked my sad arse into a local CR canada goose and haven uk canada goose outlet looked back. And getting canada goose outlet jackets frustrated by. I think that what helped me rationalize drinking again. Canada Goose Jackets I haven achieved fun without it, so let just drink one night and have some fun! It was good to see that it wasn fun. So, maybe I canada goose factory sale removed that question from Canada Goose Outlet my mind. What killed me is that yesterday, while hungover for canada goose outlet parka the first time in 2 months, my uk canada goose neighbor at worked commented on Canada Goose sale my much improved demeanor. The timing was just perfectly ironic. But I remember that comment. If it helps at all, I think it fantastic that you able to take a look at your actions and that you canada goose outlet uk being real with yourself and I applaud you for it. Over three years ago I made it to 88 days. I planned on 90 days but had the perfect opportunity to “celebrate” my canada goose outlet nyc sober stint on day 88. That lead to three more years of my alcohol official Canada Goose Coats On Sale canada goose outlet abuse only escalating day drinking, day then days long binging, sneaking drinks, the list goes on. So, while I feel your pain canada goose outlet uk sale at your relapse, I praise your insight. I wish it was one I would have had three years ago.